July 28, 2015

Bugaboo’d

So by now you have probably seen the ad. The gorgeous, thin, leggy woman running in her itty bitty bikini pushing a jogging stroller with what looks like a toddler enjoying the ride. The woman is model Ymre Stiekema. And she is in fact the actual mother to the 2 year old in the stroller. In case it hasn’t “run” by your newsfeed today, here you go:

SO first off – this is NOT a chance for me to attack/shame said model and her amazing physique. I was most definitely not blessed with the genes this woman was. It is not her fault she is this thin and this beautiful and has no remnants of childbirth or pregnancy left on her lithe body. If I looked like that, then sure, maybe I’d take my kid out for a jog in my bikini too. What am I saying, no I would not! Side note – even as a relatively small woman, who works out like a beast most weeks, I’ll admit I’m jealous as hell that no matter what I do, I will NEVER look like this photo. Two years ago I got pretty close – but I had Norovirus and I don’t really recommend that as a diet plan.

Now on to my rant over this absurd ad.

This is an advertisement for a Bugaboo Jogging Stroller. It costs $800. Again. It’s a stroller. And it costs $800. More than a mortgage in some states. Certainly not Los Angeles. But, you get it. If you are lucky enough to have $800 to spend on a running stroller – probably one of 3 strollers you may own, (convertible, umbrella, jogger, etc) I’m thinking you may have the money to spend on a nanny that can probably stay home with the kids while you take a jog on your own. I know I sure as hell would. Also – where is the cup holder and goldfish tray? She won’t get 5 minutes into her run without that kids screaming for a snack and she’ll have to run right back home to avoid a meltdown.

Now the bikini. It’s obvious the photo is meant to read that she is running in a neighborhood of some sort. Not the beach. She is in an actual bikini, running down the street in what we are to assume is her own neighborhood. Now hands up, who here has EVER run in their bikini (before or after baby)? Anyone? Yeah, didn’t think so. The only time I’ve ever run in a bikini is down the beach after the ice cream vendor so my kids will stop whining for a push pop. Running in a bikini is absurd. First of all, that bikini top has no support whatsoever. If she nursed her kid (which I can confirm from an interview that she did) then her boobs would be behind her ears with every step. Seriously, after nursing 2 kids, I like to say it’s as if someone grabbed my boobs, walked across the room and let go. And can you imagine the wedgies? You’d have to pick it out because your whole ass would be hanging out. Now your neighbors have seen you half naked and picking out a wedgie. Lastly, the mommy belly – I’m going to estimate .9 % of women who have given birth have a stomach that flat or without any stretch marks. I’m scared of the fitspo memes that will come out of this. You know the one that says something like “..so I can run in just my jog bra and shorts”. Well, hell, this takes it to a whole new level.

At first I laughed and laughed at this ad. The absurdity of it. I can’t imagine a woman or mom was in the room when this concept was agreed upon. But now, if you can’t tell, I’m really angry. SO angry that I wanna cry while writing this. It is so friggin hard being a mom. And so friggin hard being a working mom. And then we get ads like this that tell us, “Hey, Mom! Yeah, You! Get off your lazy ass and go for run in the middle of the day (cause yeah, that can happen) with your bikini on and your flat stomach and your itty bitty perky boobs with your $800 stroller!” WTF!?!

Get a clue Bugaboo. This is unattainable by 99.9% of the world. Was this supposed to make me want to buy your product? This photo has done nothing but confirm that I will NEVER buy a Bugaboo. I mean, if I won the lottery tomorrow, I certainly would not buy a Bugaboo. Was it supposed to inspire me to workout harder? To feel more in control? To feel more beautiful? Like, if I own this stroller, then I will be the “Supreme Mom! Better than all the Moms!” It did none of these things. All I want now is ice cream. And I’m not on the beach, so there is no vendor to run after.

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